It’s A Matter Of Opinion…. Or when you really think you know someone

The other day I was unfollowed on a number of social media platforms by someone I had been friends with for quite a long time.. ( in fairness, I said for them to feel free to do so if they felt they wanted to. But suppose , in my heart of hearts, sort of hoped they would just cut the RL contact and stay with the safer cyber one) Someone I had met often and got on pretty well with, but who has decided our friendship wasn’t working because we had differing opinions on a number of things, felt my opinions were a direct and personal slating, and saw disagreeing or discussing as being confrontational as opposed to being able to have an honest conversation with ‘a friend’

I had noticed a few times that if I said something they didn’t agree with they would disappear. I would then be left wondering what I had said or done wrong, usually being the one to make the first move at addressing things, taking a bunch of flowers as a peace-offering… When, in fact, I hadn’t really done anything wrong apart from express a personal opinion.

And I am inordinately and ridiculously upset by this. And I don’t know why, other than I have quite a lot going on in my life at the moment so am possibly ultra sensitive, and less able to be logical and sensible about it.
Confrontation is the last thing I like. I will do anything to avoid, often to my own personal detriment.

Believe it or not I am a sensitive soul, who hates the idea of deliberately upsetting anyone, and over the years this has had an impact on both my personal and professional life. Perhaps if I had confronted some personal issues head on I may not have found myself lying awake at night agonising over things.

Perhaps if I’d stopped that member of staff in their tracks all that time ago, when they were hell-bent on a mission with their own agenda, I wouldn’t have been driven to the brink of a total meltdown… Rendering me unable to walk through the main gates of the building without becoming a shivering, gibberish wreck.

However, having said I’m not one for confrontation, I do tend to say things as I find them. I don’t believe in lying in order to preserve someone’s fragile ego. But I do try to be gentle and am always open to discussion, and the first to apologise if I’m in the wrong…. Which I often am. I can’t be someone or something I’m not. And, anyway, if you are you will invariably be found out at some stage.

I’m lucky in that I have a small circle of very good friends, who also feel the same way as me, and we can be completely open and honest with each other. Express opinions, disagree without it causing upsets or rifts. After all isn’t that what real friendship is all about?
Perhaps in this day of cyber friendships we find ourselves being drawn to people we most likely wouldn’t be in the real world.

Having said that I have met some really wonderful people through social media.. Some of whom I am very fond of, and we have a fab time every time we meet up. There are a few I haven’t been able to meet yet, but plan to.. And I’m pretty sure we will get on famously.
And there are some very special ones I’ve got to know, and we will be friends for life now.

What you see is what you get with me… And if others don’t like that then I have to learn that it’s not my problem, and I shouldn’t have to change to appease them. And perhaps they aren’t meant to be part of my life… However hard I find that.

I am who I am and I can’t, and actually don’t want to, change.

 

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7 thoughts on “It’s A Matter Of Opinion…. Or when you really think you know someone

  1. It’s weird, isn’t it, how being ‘unfriended’ or ‘unfollowed’ by someone can be so upsetting? I will admit I’ve done it, and it really isn’t personal, it’s just that I realized I didn’t like their posts anymore, not so much the person. I get so much stuff crammed into my face on TV (commercials, news) that when I can have some ‘control’ over content, I take it! xoxox

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  2. A very good post. I think many of those who interact on social media have had experiences like the one you write about. Being unfollowed/unfriended by somebody you used to chat with regularly does hurt, all the more so of course if you have met in RL. For a long time I tended not to express my opinions on social media but in the last couple of months I have been more outspoken. I also have been unfollowed because of it (so far not by anybody I had chatted with a lot). I have also been blocked by quite a few people for pointing out somebody who is misusing twitter for his own purposes. Sometimes I think most people use social media for getting their own opinions, behaviour and looks continuously confirmed. At the slightest sign of contradiction they unfollow/unfriend or block. A bit like children sticking their fingers in their ears believing that what I don’t hear doesn’t exist? Of course I am oversimplifying. It’s an interesting topic though and I thank you for this post 😊

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    • Thank you Suse. I have seen both sides of Twitter recently. ( and RL) i think you’re right. There are some very self opinionated, self centred people on there who are only there for their self promotion… And the constant selfies drive me mad!!
      But it is sad when it’s someone you think has become. RL friend . A hard lesson, well learnt. But, as I said , I have met some wonderful people. The unsuccessful ones are in the minority

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    • It’s a strange old world, the cyber one
      Being yourself is all you can do… And a very lovely self you are too. I can’t be anyone but me.. Those who try to be something else will always get found out in the end
      Thank you very much. You’re very kind. I’ll try x

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